AU - That Which Is Greater

Chapter 02: Family Life

“Wow, you’re back later than I expected.” Ellie Bartowski looked up from the pot on the stove as Chuck came in, juggling two bags and Violet. She was still wearing her scrubs from work, though she’d kicked off her sneakers. “Long line?”

“The worst. You forget about things like rush hour when your office is at home.” Chuck took an appreciative sniff as he deposited Violet on the edge of the island counter so that he could set the bags down without dropping the eggs. “Smells like Aunt Ellie’s making our favorite, Megabyte. If you’re lucky, I bet she’ll share.”

Vi rolled her eyes at her father, and Chuck relived the moment of dread he always felt when she acted older than her age—the teenager years were far too near for his comfort. “Of course she’ll share,” she said, as though Chuck were an idiot. “She’s Aunt Ellie. She likes me more.”

“It’s true,” Ellie put in.

“Hey, what am I? Chopped liver? I’ll have you know, spaghetti and meatballs was my favorite first.”

“That’s just cos you’re old.”

“Oh, cut to the quick!” Chuck snatched Vi from the counter and tossed her over his shoulder, anchoring her with her legs. He spun, careful to avoid the walls and Ellie. Thankfully, the kitchen was one of the biggest rooms in the house. “Apologize!”

She giggled. “Never!” The giggles turned to belly laughter when he shifted and hung her upside down. “Never-ever!”

“You know, Aunt Ellie’s older than Daddy. Are you calling her old?”

“Never! Aunt Ellie’s pretty.” Even upside down, Vi could turn on the Bartowski grin, which she did now, aiming at Ellie herself.

Ellie laughed and collected Vi from Chuck, holding her on her hip. Vi immediately burrowed in, resting her head on Ellie’s shoulder. She was getting a little too big to be held like that for long, but the adults pretended not to notice. “That’s right,” Ellie said. “Saved by the Bartowski charm. Somebody clearly knows the pecking order around here.”

“Comedians. I’m surrounded by comedians.”

“It’s your lot in life. Morgan’s upstairs playing video games—he has a laptop that needs fixing, I think.”

“Cool.” Knowing Morgan would be fine if left alone for hours, Chuck began to unload the groceries onto the counter. He was stalling, and he knew it, but he still wasn’t sure he hadn’t hallucinated his strange encounter at the grocery store. “Hey, you know how you offered to babysit this weekend? You know, let me have a night off?”

“Yeah? You have a conference or something?”

“Or something.” When Awesome wandered in, Chuck tossed him a bag of bagels. “Ellie, Awesome, don’t freak out, but—”

Vi bounced. “Daddy’s got a date!”

Chuck mock-glared at her. “It’s not a date.”

“Nuh-uh. She said it’s a date. I heard her.”

“You’ve got a date? That’s awesome!” Awesome held a hand up for a high-five.

“Who with? Is she nice?” Ellie’s eyes narrowed. “Wait a second, did you meet her at the grocery store?”

“Her name is Sarah, she’s new to the area, and I’m just showing her around. And yes, I did meet her at the grocery store, where I first almost knocked her over and then my four-year-old hit on her in my stead.”

“What?”

“What?”

“Teaching Vi to call random strangers ‘Mommy’ to help me start a conversation?” Chuck gave Awesome a look.

“Wasn’t me, dude. But that’s still awesome!” This time, it was Vi that received the high-five.

“Don’t look at me,” Ellie said, bouncing her niece on her hip. “That sounds like a Morgan thing.”

Chuck turned. “Morgan!”

They all heard a clatter on the stairs. When Chuck, Ellie, and Awesome had decided to get a house four years before, the upstairs had been allotted to Chuck and Vi, while Ellie and Awesome took the master-bedroom on the first floor. The house was laid out so that there was a little sitting area upstairs, which Chuck used as a bedroom, leaving one of the rooms for Vi and the other as an office. Vi was technically supposed to use that room as a living room, but the reality of it was that the family all used the living room downstairs equally, Vi’s toys sharing space with Ellie’s medical journals and Awesome’s free weights. Chuck kept his more mature video games upstairs on a high shelf, and his X-box held more kid’s games than anything he and Morgan liked to play.

Of course, that didn’t stop Morgan from trying to beat Vi’s high scores in her games. It was a competition that suited both Morgan and his goddaughter.

Morgan appeared at the entrance to the kitchen. Like Ellie, he was wearing his work uniform, though he’d loosened his assistant manager’s tie and the vest was nowhere to be seen. “Chuck, hey! You’re back! How was the grocery store?”

“Ask your protégé over here,” Chuck said, jerking his head at Ellie and Vi.

Morgan picked up the four-year-old for a piggy-back ride. “What’s your dad talking about, Megabyte?”

“Daddy’s got a date!” Vi bounced in place.

“That’s excellent. Did you do like I trained you?”

“Yep, I waited for a pretty one and I called her ‘Mommy’ and it worked!”

“How pretty?”

“Really pretty!” Vi giggled.

Chuck shot his best friend a look. “Not cool, Morgan.”

“Hey, it got you a date, didn’t it?”

“Still, don’t do it again. That goes for you, too, Violet Eleanor.”

At her full name, Vi shrank against Morgan’s back, but her look was more incorrigible than apologetic. Of course, that was par for the course. She hadn’t inherited much from her mother—just her eyes and a sense of mischief. On a four-year-old, it was cute, even if Chuck knew Vi probably got away with more than she should have.

“When’s your date, Chuck?” Ellie asked as she reached into a cabinet for the plates.

“Friday. Is that okay? I can reschedule if you’re busy, since it’s Sophie’s weekend next week.”

“No, no, that’s fine. We’ll have a movie night, stay in, and Uncle Devon can make his awesome popcorn. How does that sound?”

“Awesome!” Vi said.

“Indeed,” Awesome agreed.

“Morgan, you’re staying for dinner? Good, you and Vi can set the table while Chuck finishes putting up the groceries. And Chuck, don’t forget to put your date on the schedule.”

“Yes’m,” Chuck said, giving his sister a sarcastic smile as he moved to do so. Even with the three of them effectively raising Vi together, one more parent than a traditional family, it took a fair bit of juggling with two busy doctors and a freelance software designer. They kept their sanity and stayed in Ellie’s good graces by over-sharing their schedules—and Morgan’s, too—on the massive wall calendar by the refrigerator. He frowned at the current date, right after the square marked, “CHUCK’S BIRTHDAY!!!” in bright red, ignoring the buzz of activity around him. Between waking up on the floor in front of his computer with no knowledge of how he’d gotten there and the chance encounter at the grocery store, it had been a very strange day.

Shrugging that, and the weird headache he’d had all day off, Chuck picked up the purple pen—social engagement—and scribbled in on Friday: “Date with Sarah W.”

--

After the dinner had been devoured, the dishes cleaned, and the bath time (never fun for anybody, since Vi had an aversion to water that puzzled her family) and story time had finally passed, Chuck collapsed into his desk chair and bit back a sigh. His body ached, and he was tired enough to be weary, but friendship had to come first.

“And you’re sure you can’t take this to the Nerd Herd?” he asked.

“Not without getting blackmailed horribly.” Morgan perched in the Morgan chair and gave the Prism laptop in front of Chuck a nervous look. “And Jeff and Lester don’t handle Windows, you know that.”

“I don’t understand why you didn’t fire those two years ago,” Chuck said as he plugged the laptop in.

“They have their uses.”

“As what?”

“Hey, they’ve saved us hundreds of dollars on sexual harassment training. All you have to do is tell the new workers, ‘See what Jeff and Lester are doing? Do the opposite.’ It’s like magic.”

“Uh-huh.” The laptop was at least booting up, Chuck saw, which was more promising than the last few cases Morgan had brought to his attention. That hope quickly spiraled, however; Chuck hit a key and pop-up windows began crowding the screen, accompanied by audio. They were blurred and grainy, but—“Who is Irene Demova?”

“Get with the times, dude.”

“Dude, if it doesn’t wiggle or try to teach me Spanish, chances are I’m not going to see it.”

“Good point. She’s a Serbian, ah,” Morgan looked down, “porn star.”

Chuck ran a hand over his face. “You were using a Buy More display model laptop to look at porn?”

“It was late. I needed a break from all of the paperwork. Look, man, can you fix it or not? I don’t want to have to take this to Big Mike, not after that whole incident with the scanners last week. I’m on thin ice as it is.”

“Give me a couple days. I’ve got a contract to finish up, then I’ll be able to devote my undivided attention to it.”

“You’re a miracle worker. Standard rate?”

“I’m tempted to charge you more since it’s porn, but yes. Standard rate.” Chuck closed the laptop lid, as he didn’t want Vi wandering in and seeing that. He leaned back in his chair and laughed. “When exactly did you come up with the ‘letting Vi call perfect strangers Mommy’ ploy?”

“Brilliant, right?”

“Dangerous. I don’t want my daughter talking to strangers.”

“I told her to make sure you were right there,” Morgan said.

“Thank heaven for small favors. I’ll have you know you two managed to give me a heart attack.” Chuck gave another half-laugh. “I heard her say ‘Mommy’ and I thought for sure Sophie was there. And then I come around the corner and there’s Sarah standing there looking like she’s seen a ghost.”

“I will point out that it worked.”

“Yeah, except I’m waiting for Sarah to call and tell me she’s come to her senses after the double-barreled hit we gave her, and there’s no date.”

“Or,” Morgan said, “you could look at this as an opportunity.”

“For what?”

“Vi needs a mom. You need to start dating.”

“Vi has Ellie and Awesome and me, she’s okay. I don’t need to date. I’ve got enough to do as it is.”

“All right, point. But when’s the last time you had a little Chuck time, huh?” Morgan got up and opened the mini-fridge, helping himself to one of the grape sodas. He tossed Chuck a beer. “Can’t hurt, right?”

“Well, without Vi there going on about how it’s my job to go to the store since it’s a good place to pick up chicks, probably not.”

“She’s looking out for your best interests.”

“She’s looking for another adult to give her a present for her birthday next month,” Chuck corrected.

“So mercenary. I’m a little proud.” Morgan mimed shedding a tear. “And you know that’s not true. Vi just wants you to be happy. You’re a little off. Is something up?”

“No, just woke up with a headache and I haven’t managed to kick it yet. I’d sleep it off, except I’m behind.” Chuck managed a smile as he sipped his beer. “It’s going to kill me when Vi starts kindergarten, except it’s also going to be easier to get work done. Which is horrible, I know, but I’m so backed up on this project.”

“Do you want me to take Vi tomorrow? I’m off, we can hit up the arcade on the Pier, make a day of it and give you a chance to work.”

“Would you mind?”

“Not at all. Vi needs some quality time with the Bearded One.”

Chuck pointed his beer at his friend. “No pretending she’s your daughter to pick up chicks.”

“Aw, c’mon, you know I wouldn’t do that.” Morgan finished off his grape soda, and tilted his head, obviously thinking about it. “I think that trick only works once in a week. Speaking of which: Sarah.”

“What about her?”

“Is she hot?”

For a moment, Chuck was tempted to tell his friend that Sarah had a hunchback and a limp, just to get him back for what he had been teaching Vi. But what was the point of having a friend if you couldn’t brag once in a while? “Really hot.”

“How hot are we talking here? Nerdy hot like Poison Ivy or hot hot like Zatanna?”

“Like...” Chuck searched his brain. “Vicki Vale.”

“Dude, do not joke with me. Nobody is as hot as Vicki Vale. That is the pinnacle of hotness.”

“I would not make this up. She is Vicki Vale embodied. Possibly even hotter.”

“Pictures, or you’re lying.”

“I don’t have any.”

“Why not?”

“What was I going to say, ‘Hey, there, woman who has agreed to go on a date with me despite the fact that I tried to bowl you over and then my daughter confused you for her mother, could you stand still a minute so I can take your picture and prove how hot you are to my friend?’” Chuck rolled his eyes and took another sip of beer.

“Yes! Exactly that!”

“It’s been awhile since you’ve dated, hasn’t it?”

“You can tell?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can tell.”

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